くるくる金髪の日記

So.

Because it’s 1:30am on a work night, my girlfriend and I somehow ended up wasting 90 minutes of our lives on Yukon Trail of all things, and my web browser just crashed taking all the progress of the summary I was writing with it, this isn’t going to be the most detailed or in-depth summary I’ve ever done.

By the way, Tumblr, automatic draft saving is a thing that just about every other blogging platform offers. Why are you so terrible?

Chapter 1: Murder for Murder

The first chapter introduces us to Asano Misaki, brand new member of the Special Case Criminal Investigation Unit (or SCCIU as I’m going to call it, because goddamn you Dangan Ronpa and your long ridiculous names). She meets the section chief, “hairpin demon” Dougami Ikue. (She is great and I love her.) Asano thinks about how cool, scary, and sexy Dougami is and hopes she can become like her in time.

Dougami explains that the SCCIU specializes in strange and brutal cases–in other words, it’s bloody work. Asano isn’t quite sure she’s down to guro, but she’ll do her best as a SCCIU member. Dougami also calls them the HOPE of a DESPAIRING world. Subtle.

Next Asano’s introduced to her partner, Hijirihara Takumi, chilling out in her locker. Asano is shocked by this, and her senpai joke about how a locker is one of the least odd places to find Hijirihara. They say that she’s stuck with him because she’s the newb, much to her dismay.

Dougami briefs the two of them on their case: “Monk Idol” Itou Momomichi received a threatening message regarding his upcoming live performance. It appears to be just a yonkoma manga, but on the back is a fifth panel that declares that in four days, the “depraved monk” will be dropped into “endless hell”.

Guys, I think Jatarou’s life is bad enough already.

Asano and Hijirihara’s job is to stand guard and keep anyone suspicious from getting close. After the briefing, Hijirihara complains he’s tired and tells Asano to go on without him, and when she presses him to come, he insists that he has a special condition–he’ll age ten years if he goes outside.

He gets dragged anyway to the rundown old temple where the concert will take place. After mistaking an old man for him, Asano discovers Hijirihara hidding out in the offering box. When asked why, he replies that it’s cozy. He then asks Asano to pitch out his cup noodle garbage (Kirgir reference?) and invites her to try getting into the small space too. Asano declines both.

So the concert starts and during the performance, they go to unveil the Buddha statues that they’d noticed earlier, only to find that they were swapped out for grotesque versions made from stitched up pieces of 42 people. (Jatarou would be proud.) This makes Hijirihara angry for some reason that Asano doesn’t understand, but she’s soon distracted by him hugging one of the corpses and saying he’s thirsty.

They gather everyone who had access to the backstage during the concert: Itou the idol, Hayashi the producer, Yamada the stage designer, and Ogawa the assistant stage designer. Asano concludes that someone must have slipped through their perimeter and has already gotten away, but Hijirihara whispers to her that the culprit is still on site. He asks her to tell the suspects that and she wants to know why he can’t do it himself. He answers that it’s too scary to talk to strangers, and then goes on to say she should point out the culprit like Kindaichi. Hijirihara tells her to swear on her grandfather’s name, but Asano retorts that her grandfather was a farmer. Hijirihara asks her to clear away his grandfather’s regrets, prompting Asano to wonder about his grandpa.

(I just made a Wiki link for reference. It has begun.)

Getting into the spirit, Asano emulates Kindaichi, saying that she’s got it all figured out and the culprit is… the culprit is… At that point she realizes she doesn’t know yet and Hijirihara is leaving. She yells at him to tell her who it was, and he replies that when his grandfather was on his deathbed, he was convinced he was Kindaichi.

Back at SCCIU HQ, Asano is complaining about Hijirihara and asking what’s up with his weird hanging out in small spaces thing. Dougami asks her if she remembers the Giboura Junior High Massacre Case, and Asano says of course she does. She remembers watching it on TV and being disturbed that kids her own age were killed.

Turns out Hijirihara is the sole survivor of the massacre. He got away by hiding in the cleaning supply closet in the classroom, where the killer never thought to look. (Which is dumb as hell, because that’s like the first place you would look in a Japanese classroom. Where else are you going to hide? Under the kyoutaku?) This means he feels more strongly about murders than the average person.

Meanwhile, Hijirihara has called Itou the idol out to meet him. He shows up, accusing Itou of committing the murder and asking if his goal was blood. Itou seems surprised at first, then asks for proof. Hijirihara says he doesn’t have any, but when it comes to abnormal crimes like murder, he feels from the bottom of his heart…

…that he loves them.

Hajihihara talks about how someone’s method of killing can reveal things about them, like how if someone cuts up a body without bothering to make clean cuts, they neglect brushing their teeth.

Hijirihara says that he’d grade Itou’s killing as 20 points (a “try harder next time!” stamp showing up next to him), and says he drinks the blood, right? To keep his skin beautiful?

Itou’s face distorts and his dialogue switches to rougher font, and he says yes, he does drink blood. That’s the secret to staying young forever.

Unimpressed, Hijirihara tells him that he’s insufficient. In what, you ask?

Love of killing.

Small note. So if you’ve followed me for a long time you may have picked up that “mutual killing” in Japanese is called “koroshiai”. Well. Here they replace the 合い (mutual) with 愛 (love).

I hate you so much, Dangan Ronpa, and that is why I love you.

Itou goes to attack Hijirihara with a giant needle and the latter produces a small knife, which he uses to basically dice Itou to a fine pulp.

We then learn that the day of the massacre, while watching the killings happen, Hijirihara swore to himself to become as cool a murderer as the person who took out his school.

(Please be Mukuro Please be Mukuro Please be Mukuro)

(…Sho is also acceptable.)

Later, Dougami and Asano find the pile of human flesh along with a note from someone named Killer Killer. Dougami explains that this person murders murderers…and always leaves behind notes on cute stationary.

Back at HQ Asano is thinking over everything: Killer Killer, how weird her partner is, etc. Suddenly Hijirihara pops up, hidden beneath the sink. He invites Asano to try it out and she joins him, concluding that she wants to get to know him better to try and understand him.

I’m sure that’s what every member of SHSL Zetsubou probably thought about Junko too.

Chapter 2: Symbiotic Hospital

This one is silly and entertaining to read but we don’t learn much so let’s nyoom through it so I can get to Chapter 3 and then my bed, shall we?

At the outset we get introduced to Katsuragi Mekuru, also a member of the SCCIU, who happens to be a child. She’s also solved over 100 cases and has earned the title “Sleeping Mekuru”. Turns out she and Hijirihara go way back, and Asano notes that they don’t seem like just normal coworkers.

HMMMMM…

SCCIU gets wind of a strange stabbing murder that takes place at a hospital and they go to check it out. Hijirihara hugs more corpses and Asano starts interviewing the surgeons who work there, but aside from the fact that each one of them has a fetish for a different internal organ, they all have airtight alibis, having been in surgery at the time.

Last is a nurse named Shimizu Rei, whom Hijirihara instantly goes ga-ga for…to the point where he has a heart attack in his locker and has to be treated at the hospital. Asano waits with him til he wakes up, then heads back to HQ. Shimizu comes to check on Hijirihara and finds him in the records room, pulling a file on the victim. After some flirting, she notices the file and asks if he knew the victim.

Meanwhile, back at HQ, Asano is freaking out because she doesn’t know how to solve the case. Mekuru is asleep, and mutters the name “Ted Chikatilo” along with “there’s no one I can’t catch.” As Babygiri/Lico 2: Electric Boogaloo dreams on, Asano gets an idea to ask her how to solve the case. Mekuru has a skill called “suimin suiri” (sleep deduction). Mekuru agrees to help and has Asano pick her up. She zips up her hood and goes into sleep deduction mode, then saying she’s got it. The criminal is in an abandoned building 50 meters from the hospital. They’re about to roll out when Hijirihara comes in, looking like something straight out of a shoujo manga. Asano punches him and the girls head off.

Hijirihara meanwhile confronts Shimizu and confesses to loving her despite her killing style. She puts parasite eggs into people during surgery, and then removes them later through the same incision. Shimizu admits that yeah, she’s coo-coo for parasites–she loves the thought of them squirming around inside patients’ bodies. It’s the best!

Hijirihara still gives her 30 points. (“Better luck next time!”)

He explains the koroshi ai system of grading, and then asks if she’s also loaded her own beautiful body up with parasites.

The answer is yep.

Then this happens.

Sure. Why not? We already have a ghost, a cow woman who can see the future, and a kid who can summon a lightsaber on command.

Hijirihara slices the parasites and their master up no big, and Dougami notices that all information regarding Shimizu has been mysteriously deleted. Hijirihara smirks about this, but then hears that Asano and Mekuru are missing.

It’s cool, they’re just knocked out and tied up in that abandoned building.

Chapter 3: Bessatsu Shounen Zetsubou Magazine

NOW we’re getting to the good shit.

This one starts with Ted Chikatilo (who I suppose is a reference to this?) shoving a bomb in a guy’s face, throwing him into the air, and then watching him explode like a firework, bathing in the shower of blood that rains down, proclaiming that Killer Killer is next.

You know, as you do.

Meanwhile, a mangaka named Saiyama Eiichirou is getting pissed about a manga he’s drawing and tossing balled up drawings aside. He muses for a few moments on a girl he once knew who complimented his drawing skill, and we discover that he has a pathological need for praise.

Knock knock.

It’s the United States. It’s Hijirihara, packed into a cardboard box.

He invites himself in, to Saiyama’s chargrin, and he seems impressed, complimenting Saiyama’s ability to render “that Incident” in such accurate detail. The drawings almost feel real.

Also: 

There’s only one problem: the drawings are a little TOO realistic to just be interpretations.

(I don’t remember Kirigiri ever making that face, so how real could this be? And Asahina wasn’t even there at Maizono’s murder scene!)

Hijirihara says the reason why is simple: it’s because Saiyama kills people to use as models for his drawings.

(Ah, yes. A fine entry in the Togami Byakuya is a Dick series.)

Saiyama tries to say that it’s his assistant who uses the room, but Hijirihara cuts him off, saying he lacks the koroshi ai. Saiyama argues that he needed to recreate the murders or else his drawings would never be praised.

Saiyama loses his shit and starts stabbing a corpse with a giant g pen, while Hijirihara gives him a score of 20 points.

However, he’ll give 55 points to this particular manga…it’s pretty average, but he happens to like it.

That’s…that’s that stupid manga you find in the school during Chapter 6 of SDR2, isn’t it?

Saiyama has had enough of this no praise nonsense and he moves to attack Hijirihara with three pens, but

Uh oh.

Well okay, ignoring the giant Monokuma face in the room for a moment, that murder looks an awful lot like–

>:C

FUCK YOU.

There’s not even freckles.

(Though points for at least acknowledging Mukuro’s existence. That’s a nice change of pace.)

Oh, look who was right about it being the “Let’s Learn About the Biggest, Worst Despairing Incident in the History of Mankind…with Manga!”

So the Incident was a thing. You are reading a Dangan Ronpa property right now.

Oh hey, I know those nerds!

During the Incident, humanity at one point resigned itself to the extermination of the entire world. The ones who saved the world from this Incident were…the brave boys and girls who were students of Kibougamine Gakuen, with talents called “Super High School Level”.

(P.S. THIS is what I mean when I say I want everyone to get some credit, not just Naegi.)

They beat Junko, but her influence isn’t gone from this world, yadda yadda.

That’s a rabbit hair pin and a hair bow. Guys, that body, as adorable as it is, is not Junko. Not sure what that means, really, but…

Oh hey! I know these nerds too!

Remnants of Despair are carrying out Junko’s wishes and committing crimes throughout the world, you know the deal.

OH shit that’s some Kirgir.

Anyway, they say the Mirai Kikan, sorry, Future Foundation was founded in order to combat Junko and her apocalypse, and they continue to work toward the goal of reversing despair.

This is the story of Hijirihara Takumi and Asano Misaki of the Future Foundation 6th Branch Special Case Crime Investigation Unit.

Well damn.

Check out this color full-page spread with the destroyed school! Lovely!

Hijirihara gets a phone call…

…from the former SHSL Fireworks Artist, Ted Chikatilo, telling him to come to Tifi Ariake (which I assume is a play on this) if he wants to ever see Asano or Mekuru alive again.

Speaking of the girls, they wake up to see Chikatilo, and then notice…

…the sprawled out dead body of the hero, the Future Foundation 14th Branch’s Naegi Makoto.

Weeeeeelp.